Is there anything worse than playing golf with someone who’s always telling you what to do? Everything from how to swing the club to how to play the hole … these people never stop.
Recently, I wrote about this behavior in one of my weekly blogs. What’s fun about this column is that I have the room to flesh out thoughts. The weekly blog is fun, but not enough room to really get into a subject.
Wait – I can hear someone say: “You’re telling people not to give advice, but you give advice in your blog and columns.” Yes, I do. But you don’t have to read my stuff. The problem with unsolicited advice is that it’s not your choice. If I want advice, I’ll ask for it, or read it. But, I’m seeking the advice. Unsolicited advice is like receiving an order from a superior.
Most people don’t like being ordered around. Especially golfers. Golf attracts independent people. That’s why Rangers and Starters have be so careful – they need to treat all players with respect. Some golf course Rangers love to be the “boss” and drive around the course like a Nazi.
There is a Utilitarian attitude that just fundamentally irritates me. It’s about worshipping the god of efficiency. For those Utilitarians, manners and other social graces are just a waste of time and energy. They have to get things done! Hey – I’m not a proponent of wastefulness … but if life isn’t lived with some graciousness and warmth and friendliness – what’s the point?
Just yesterday, I was waiting at the stoplight and saw the driver in the other car cleaning their glasses. Well, the light changed and they never moved – just kept cleaning the glasses … I kept watching in my rear-view mirror and they never moved until I was out of sight. Now that’s just selfish – they don’t care about people, just the “job”.
We do need efficiency … but not at any price … we need a balance. My favorite John F Kennedy quote is about the wrong balance: “Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm”. I love the South – I think it gets a bad rap … Southern Hospitality is real. The culture is warm and friendly – they admire graciousness. The North can be too fast paced and success driven. But, I’ll admit, the South can be too slow and inefficient.
I play golf over the winter in South Carolina with some local boys – I can’t imagine these guys telling each other how to play. They were very kind to invite me to play in their weekly group, but I was very aware that they waiting for me to be a cold, arrogant Yankee. I don’t try to be one of them – I’m not a Southerner … but I also try to show them that not all Northerners are rude, bossy, know-it-alls.
The other night I watched the movie: “Golf in the Kingdom” – based on the book of the same name. In one of the scenes, a Scottish woman was talking about how life has become so hurried that we don’t have the time for love – the love of the land, the love of each other … the love that is central to golf … that golf is all about love, and that love shows itself in camaraderie and respect. Wow.
How did this column veer from “Unsolicited Advice?” Because at the heart of the problem, is a problem of values/priorities. And I think it’s a cultural problem. It’s about worshipping the god of success … instead of the god of love.